Things Of Note #25
The Search for Happiness
Hey there,
Are you happy? Why? Why not?
Some years ago I penned down What Happiness Means to Me in response to a prompt at an internal talk. It wasn’t particularly well thought-out. But it still consistently gets a couple of dozen views every week.
It’s my most viewed writing on Medium (which—to be fair—isn’t saying much):
I actually find it funny. In a human, I-feel-you kind of way.
We are all—at some point, in some way—searching for happiness, aren’t we?
I had been passively collecting tidbits on happiness to try to make sense of and have a firmer grasp of this seemingly vague concept.
But of course, other people on the interverse have done a much better job at it. :D
For which I am grateful.
Listed below are some of the best. They overlap quite a bit but also complement each other. I have put in some of my notes but highly suggest reading/watching them directly. My notes are compressed forms of these already compressed resources and thus miss out on a lot of nuance.
Happiness 😄
What is Happiness?
Will Schoder | 47 mins
This is hands down the best synthesis on happiness I have stumbled upon (thanks to Nish for sending it my way).
It’s actually the first in an ongoing series and being the series opener, delves into what happiness is.
Happiness is hard to define which usually becomes a show-stopper. “It’s hard to define and pin down. So let’s just forget about it”. But as Will says: it’s such an important topic that it’s worth at least taking a shot at it.
There are two main ways to define it:
As a psychological state of being. A thing like contentment. This is a descriptive definition. (Accepted and used in the series).
As a “life that goes well for the person leading it”. This is an evaluative definition that brings Values into the picture. Perhaps better termed “Well-Being”.
There are three main theories in regards to the defining happiness
The Life Satisfaction Theory. Here, Happiness is linked to life satisfaction: “the state of being pleased that one’s life is going well by one’s standards”. This definition is great in that it brings in personal values but falters in that one’s satisfaction with life can be divergent to one’s affective emotional state. One can be satisfied with one’s life (all the successes, experiences, etc) in the intellectual sense but still not be in a state of mental well-being in the day-to-day.
Hedonism. Here, Happiness is defined as a positive balance of pleasant over unpleasant experience. The problem is that pleasure doesn’t reach deep enough. It can feel empty. Happiness is a general psychological condition rather than a sequence of pleasurable activities.
Emotional State Theory. “To be happy is for one's emotional condition to be, on the whole, positive.” Here distinction is also made between Central (those that cut deep) and Peripheral affective states. This is what Will believes is probably the better definition/theory of happiness.
What Central Affective States constitute Happiness?
Endorsement. This constitutes our “endorsement” of our life. It scales the Sadness-Joy and Irritability-Cheerfulness axes.
Engagement. This is related to how much we grab (or not) life from the horns. Live with gusto so to speak. It scales the Depression-Exuberance and Ennui-Flow axes.
Attunement. This is the deepest and is related to having a sense of being at home in one’s life. It scales the Anxiety-Tranquility, Insecurity-Confidence, and Compression-Uncompression axes.
So, someone’s Happiness is related to where along the various axes they are and how robust their position is (i.e are they positive on the whole and is that level sustained or fleeting?).
How Important is Happiness?
Will ends the video broaching the topic of how important Happiness is in the first place.
One clue is how most people reject The Experience Machine. (Though the thought experiment was directed at Hedonism, it can also broadly tell us how we do value suffering over happiness if need be).
The Good Life doesn’t necessarily need to be a happy life. Happiness is but one possible constituent of it.
This might seem to diminish the importance of Happiness but Will notes that striving for Happiness as defined through the Emotional State Theory is very likely to bring about a good life.
There is more to life than being happy. Happiness isn’t the best of goals. But all the activities conducive to happiness (the deep kind) are good things in and of themselves. Happiness can be a nice side-effect.
I think this excerpt from a comment on the WBW post on The Experience Machine nails it:
I think of pleasure, happiness, etc. as analogous to a compass. When you feel happy doing something, there's a good chance that that thing has some merit. But the happiness in and of itself, isn't the thing that has merit - it just points you in productive directions, what matters is the thing you're doing that makes you happy (caring for others, eating good varied food, exercise, solving challenging problems, and so on.)
Happiness isn’t a good goal in and of itself, but it’s a great compass.
The Foundations of Happiness
Will Schoder | 57 mins
The second episode in this amazing series.
Having a definition of Happiness, Will dives into the foundations of Happiness.
Firstly, Happiness is actually determined a lot by Genetics. Well, at least the range of happiness one can experience.
Secondly, due to Hedonic Adaptation, a lot of the things we instinctively reach for to bring us happiness don’t have a lasting impact.
So we need to look at things that have lasting effects.
Here is where the SOARS model of happiness comes in. It posits five things as the foundation of Happiness:
Security (S). This includes our need for security such as Material Security (Money doesn’t buy happiness, but poverty surely makes people unhappy), Project Security (feeling like we are able to contribute to something meaningful), and Time Security (feeling like we have time to do what we need to do).
Outlook (O). “Life is what you deem it, so deem it in ways that brings you happiness”. Three outlooks that can be good for happiness: Acceptance (Happiness = Reality - Expectations), Positivity, and Compassion.
Autonomy (A). This is freedom to own one’s decisions, to act on one’s own convictions. It is not necessarily freedom as individualism, of choices, or of independence.
"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way" ~ Viktor Frankl (Man’s Search For Meaning).Relatedness (R). We want/need a sense of belonging. And of being loved unconditionally.
Skilled and meaningful work (S). We have an innate desire to be skilled. And not just be effective but also be constantly growing. We want to be in Flow. Furthermore, we want our work to be meaningful.
Other strong contenders: good health and nature.
Will’s takeaways:
Happiness isn't all that complicated but not easy. It’s simple but not easy. Just calling it a choice isn't enough.
These foundations are foundational to a lot of other stuff as well: Meaning, Motivation, Virtue. Again, not goal but a compass.
The view that happiness is strictly an individual pursuit is mistaken. Both the environment and the individual matter in creating a society more conducive to happiness.
Happiness, by Yale
Jonathan Liu | 16 mins
These are Jonathan’s notes from Yale’s “The Science of Well Being” course.
(As mentioned above) Genetics plays a large role in Happiness. Anecdotally too I have found this to be the case. Some of my friends just intrinsically seem to have a tendency to be happy. They tell me they are feeling down but internally I am going: “Dude, you seem happier than I am at my happiest”. I have always wanted to ask them how come that is so, what is their secret. But it feels like that would be akin to asking the sun how it’s hot.
“Money et al” is a nice to have. But it isn’t a foundation of happiness. Why?
Because of four “annoying features of the mind”:
Our strongest intuitions are often misleading.
We judge ourselves relative to reference points which are often irrelevant and make us feel worse than we should.
Our minds are programmed to adapt and ultimately get used to things.
We don’t realize how good we are at adapting and coping and mispredict how certain outcomes will make us feel.
Everything is relative and to make matters worse, our minds compare ourselves to those “above” us.
Furthermore, we get used to stuff (again, Hedonic Adaptation).
So what should we do?
To counter the urge to compare, design your environment to lessen comparisons. Cut out unhealthy comparisons.
To counter Hedonic Adaptation:
Savor the experience again. Focus on it to make it brand new.
"Periodically subject yourself to crappier experiences than your normal"
Finally, here are the building blocks of happiness:
Flow State
The Growth Mindset. (Related: Abundance vs Scarcity Mindset)
Kindness and Social Connection
Time Affluence
Mindfulness
Exercise and Sleep
How to Be Happy
lukeprog on LessWrong | 20 mins
Another great guide on happiness.
Notes:
"Factors that don't correlate much with happiness include: age, gender, parenthood, intelligence, physical attractiveness, and money (as long as you're above the poverty line). Factors that correlate moderately with happiness include: health, social activity, and religiosity. Factors that correlate strongly with happiness include: genetics, love and relationship satisfaction, and work satisfaction."
Genes account for about 50% of the variance in happiness.
Extroversion is a good predictor of happiness as are conscientiousness, agreeableness, self-esteem, and optimism. These can be learned to some extent.
Happiness is subjective and relative. "Happiness is not determined by objective factors, but by how you feel about them"
Happiness is relative in terms of aspects like your peer group. Also relative in terms of expectations. Again: Happiness = Reality - Expectations
How to Be Happier:
If you suffer from serious illness and problems, get professional help first.
"self-exploration and initial guidance from a reductionistic, naturalistic counselor"
Develop the skills and habits associated with extroversion.
Improve you [[Self-Esteem]] and [[Optimism]]
Improve your agreeableness. Increase your empathy.
Improve your conscientiousness.
Develop the habit of [[Gratitude]]
Find your [[Purpose]] and live it.
Find a more fulfilling job.
Improve your relationship with your romantic partner, or find a different one.
Go outside and move your body.
Spend more time in [[Flow]].
Practice [[Mindfulness]] regularly.
Avoid [[Consumerism]]
Finally:
"Note that seeking happiness as an end might be counterproductive. Many people report that constantly checking to see if they are happy actually decreases their happiness - a report that fits with the research on "flow." It may be better to seek some of the above goals as ends, and happiness will be a side-effect."
Again, happiness is better off as a compass, not a goal.
My Thoughts
“If you’re so Smart, why aren’t you happy?”
This thought/idea has been bothering me. We want happiness (in the deep sense). And why shouldn’t we? In this finite time of ours, it makes sense to not be miserable all the time. Yet even when we know the constituents/components of happiness and how to achieve it, it’s so hard. (Re: Simple but not easy). It’s almost frustrating.
But perhaps, getting past it is also a step we have to take: acknowledging that we can be our worst enemy but also our own best friend.
// Logos
This edition marks the completion of 25 weeks for this newsletter. Feels like an accomplishment of sorts. To mark it off, almost on a whim, I decided to try to create a logo for it.
Spent an inordinate amount of time on it. The one you see on the banner (only in the email) is the final first draft. Will iterate on it.
Most of my time actually went on “researching” (a.k.a browsing Youtube, Reddit on the topic). It was fun though. For instance, Stories behind Iconic logos.
And also this:
Things That Don't Have a Thing to Do with Graphic Design
Aaron James Draplin | 30 mins
I know almost nothing about Graphic Design. And I am not sure if I learned anything about it from this talk but I was sure as hell inspired. It’s always great to see someone so passionate about what they do. So engrossing.
(Spoiler: The talk doesn’t have a thing to do with Graphic Design :P)
// Poetry
Wild Geese
Mary Oliver
Mary Oliver’s poems carry such a subdued, awe-inspiring power. Like nature.
// 🎵 Music
Awesome song, with a fascinating background story, that of the love story of Robert Capa (André Friedmann; though initially they shared this alias) and Gerda Taro (Gerta Pohorylle), both pioneering war photographers and photo journalists. Both died on the war fronts (Taro in the Spanish Civil War in 1937; Capa in the IndoChina war in 1954).
Such a fun mix of instruments and sounds and voice. Calming and energizing at the same time.
// Wholesome
Closing Notes
On Friday, I put up a recital for “We Have Not Long to Love”, a poem by Tennessee Williams that had been on my lips for a while.
(If relevant) Hope you had a safe, replenishing, and happy Dashain! Ours was over in 15 minutes as we just stayed in. Felt strange but of course, that isn’t new this year. The best part was Grandpa taking seriously my suggestion of putting tikas through video calls, haha. Aama and my phone screens took a smudgening but of course, totally worth it.
I read The Stranger this week. I had to consume some analysis to learn better and detect the underlying absurdity. But even just at a plot at the surface level it was a strange but captivating read. Recommended.
That’s it from me.
Hope you have a great, happy week ahead!
With Love,
Bijay
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(P.P.P.S: Take Care!)